Distance

Distance…
The time between what we are and what we are not
Speaks volumes about what we will be and where we would end up
I can say I love you and feel I hate you, and both would be true sometimes…

You could make me happy,
but you will probably drive me crazy
This schizophrenic fraternity we have clung to for an eternity
Is keeping me from being where I want to be
The future I often see doesn’t always end with us living happily.
Strangely enough it doesn’t mean we weren’t meant to be.

-JasonC

I love Crazy women

I love crazy women. This could be a problem. I have known this about myself for a while now, but like an addiction, it never seems to go away.

There have been times when the Good Lord has seen fit to grace me with a stable chick with a healthy disposition. I liked it, I enjoyed it, but I could never really wrap my mind around the relationship part. The idea of a modern relationship is one of safeness, familiarity, family, and eventually routine. As a younger man, I was all about adventure, not so much looking for them but I always ended up in one. So living life for me was waiting for the next big fling the universe would send me on. It was great for that time and it made me who I am. I was always in waiting for something to happen, the idea of settling down was a great thing that I just couldn’t do. Like a beautiful painting, I can appreciate it ideally, but I wasn’t looking to take it home.

To be in a relationship is not just a play term in my world, If I am going down that road I am looking to win the race, We are going all the way. If not then I wouldn’t even try. And most of the time, I don’t.

I have always been kind of popular with women, that is to say I often meet women through no fault of my own, many of my closest friends are women. I am on good terms and in many cases still occasionally speak with many of my past women, sexual and otherwise, from the first to the last, at least on friendly terms. I have had women board planes, trains, buses, etc. for no other purpose than to lay in my bed. That being said, the type of women that I gravitate to are those that are not afraid of adventure. The passion that this type of woman can exhibit is intense, beautiful, but it will drive you insane if you let it. This type of woman is not a slow burn, shes an explosion, C4 explosive dipped in nitroglycerin with TNT sprinkles. Shes a memory etched into my brain, the emotions connected to it are so intense I can still feel her 10 years later, the images still in Hi-definition even after all that time.

She is not predictable, I don’t understand her. Many times she doesn’t understand herself, but stays true to what she feels at that particular time. She may float in and out of my life at times, she loves me but she is also in search of her own adventure.

The topsy turvy nature of our friendship is why I may refer to her as crazy, maybe it is my total lack of understanding of what makes her tick. Maybe she has a screw loose. But what I cannot refute is that in many cases she will show me an intellect or a creative side that will blow me away. This will of course make me question again and again who this person really is. Can you know somebody for almost a decade and still find out new things every day?

Now here is what I have learned. Life is in itself an adventure, if you are open to that kind of thing. Safety is in repetition, so most people lose themselves in the safety of routine. They develop slowly, days blend into months into years, once in a while they do something interesting.

If you look outside that box you see people doing things that interest them, they may not live as long, but they die happy, fulfilled. They are more passionate, volatile, often misunderstood. They may settle down with people that balance them with stability, but when they get together with like minds it can lead to something great.

I like this type of woman because I like the passion, walking on the high wire. The good is better, the bad is worse. But damn, you can never deny that we are alive and that this is something real. You cant deny that for all the faults you may sometimes spot, the force of a magnet draws you to that person. Like the gravity of the earth acting on the moon, our dance is to music that is beyond time. We circle each other constantly, affecting our tides, sometimes we push, sometimes we pull with forces unseen. But it is a match made in Heaven and we cant escape it, even when we try.

As I get older I think that maybe this gamble is too great, so many opportunities I willingly pass by in search of my ultimate prize. It would not be the first time someone was consumed by the hunt, losing family, fortune, and eventually his mind in his obsession. But that’s the devil talking doubt. I am a King, blessed by God and built to a higher standard. I am a Knight in shining armor and I have come for my Princess. This is no storybook, its better. My story doesn’t end in five hundred pages, my love story has more scenes than I can count. I have faith that we will get our thing together one day, me and my beautiful, passionate, fiery, crazy woman. She might be just crazy enough to understand me one day.

Because I'm a little crazy too.

-JC